You look at me and see the girl
Who lives inside the golden world
But don’t believe
That’s all there is to see
You’ll never know the real me
Within the past year, I have done a lot of deep “soul-searching” and have learned so much about myself, which is weird to say because I feel like people tend to know who they are. In high school, we took the Myers-Briggs to help guide us on our futures based on our personality type. Of course, as a teenager, I was just satisfied with the result of my test having “teacher” as a good profession, because that was (and is) what I have always wanted to do.
She smiles through a thousand tears
And harbors adolescent fears
She dreams of all
That she can never be
She wades in insecurity
And hides herself inside of me
Fast-forward 12 years later…I retake the test and get the same results. This has been huge for me now since I still feel lost about who I am. Why do I think differently from others? Why do I feel so out of place in society? What do I truly desire for myself? Why do I always feel the need for self-improvement with the main course of self-loathing? It’s been hard going through this alone when there was so much left to learn about myself. But after taking the test again, I have been able to research my personality type and came across this beautiful website that helped me understand my quirky, complicated and contradictory self.
Don’t say she takes it all for granted
I’m well aware of all I have
Don’t think that I am disenchanted
There was a great article about my personality type (INFJ) and it listed some of my traits that I was happy to agree with. I’ve listed a few to elaborate on.
1. From a young age, you felt different from the people around you. Even if you had plenty of friends, you never felt like you truly fit in. Sometimes you faked being more like them so they would accept you. This is normal for an INFJ, because we need a sense of community and harmony with those around us.
I have always had this sense that I was not like other people…and it’s not because of my bi-racial background. I quickly realized that I did not think like others did and they did not understand me.
2. You want to know what’s REALLY going on in people’s lives, not just trivial stuff like what they did this weekend or what they bought on their latest shopping trip. You want to dig deep and get at the things that no one else sees. What does the person in front of you really think? How does this person reallyfeel? The fake facade they put up for other people doesn’t fool you.
4. You can be both incredibly shy, quiet, and withdrawn, as well as charming, fun, and hilarious. For an INFJ, it’s all about the situation, your mood, and energy levels—and most importantly, the people you’re with.6. You are an introvert and you like alone time, but you can’t be alone for too long. Eventually you need to reunite with your people. “Your people” are a handful of good friends who truly “get” you. Deep conversations with these people are priceless, and hanging out with them can actually boost your energy.
7. You’ve been known to suddenly cut people out of your life when they’ve hurt you one too many times. It’s not that you enjoy cutting people out, rather, you do this simply to protect yourself. Even though you may look like you have it together on the outside, you’re extremely sensitive inwardly, and you’re especially sensitive to other people’s words and actions.
8. Sometimes you try so hard to make other people happy that you forget to make yourself happy. (This is one of the biggest problems and INFJ struggles to overcome.)
13. You often immediately sense the mood of a room when you walk into it. Likewise, you often absorb the feelings of the people around you. If they’re excited, you get excited. If they’re anxious, you get anxious, too. You tend to gravitate toward calm, centered people so you don’t have to deal with as much emotional garbage.
15. You care deeply about the people in your life, but they’ll probably never know just how much you care, because you keep your feelings mostly to yourself. You can have trouble articulating your emotions, even though you feel them intensely.16. You’re usually thoughtful, conscientious, and considerate. Other people who are not as conscientious can seem callous and even cruel.
20. When you’re passionate about something, it feels like nothing can stand in your way. The INFJ motto is, “The impossible takes just a little bit longer.”
Somebody outside looking in
Well here I am for all of them to bleed
But they can’t take my heart from me
And they can’t bring me to my knees
They’ll never know the real me